As many of you know from my workshops at Flag, I am deeply indebted to the Tech AND apply it in my life. Due to my adamant intention, people USE it and continue up the bridge (as can be checked by my stats).
The only sane AND RAPID way for you to continue up the bridge is first for you to check out all the data regarding the Church management and find out if it is true.
Should it be your decision to venture to the next step and seek someone REPUTABLE, on-source tech-wise, I understand it will be a big step for you and, since everything should be done on a gradient, I can only ask that you take the first step: OBSERVE and apply the Data Series.
I believe you do know I care for your future and for you as a being, or I would not have spent the many hours, days and weeks with you individually and in workshops. I can play around with MY future and, if I'm wrong, only I will suffer. I can't play around with yours. Therefore, what I'm writing here is NOT put out in any light manner. I have spent 8 months checking, double-checking, investigating, and at ALL times I've desired things to turn out in the Church's favor. My last attempt was here at Flag. What I saw did not align with Survival.
If you have any doubts, then, keep it simple, and "when in doubt, communicate!" David Findlay is a rational, dependable and SAFE terminal for you to communicate to. He can show you TIME, PLACE, FORM and EVENT - you must draw your own conclusions.
I postulate a rapid journey for you over the bridge.
As one of the first completions of NOTS (Flag) in 1978, I was asked to be the first person to do a world tour. Originally scheduled for two to three weeks, it ran over three months. During this period, I worked seven days a week, ten to fourteen hours a day and regged over $1,000,000 and many arrivals at Flag for NOTS. Records were broken in Australia, Hawaii, Canada and in many major eastern and western U.S. cities. (All data given here regarding my activities in support of the Church of Scientology are verified in writing, by the Div. Head of Tours, Div 6 and the I/C of each tour. Available on request.)
Suddenly, I was called off the tour and told by Ron Anderson (then Chief MAA) that I was to be a "Head on the Pike". Eleven others were ordered in after me. I was to be put in Treason, or declared. The charge: "case discussion of NOTS material". I did the condition under heavy protest, with the Chief MAA and Super Cargo talking to me for a week.
Two and a half years later, an eval found it to be the wrong indication. I was ordered back to Flag and told that the terminals involved had been identified and expelled. I was shown how the stats had crashed under the suppression of NOTS dissemination and was asked to do another tour, this time to Denmark and Sweden.
My flight was paid for and I was to be reimbursed five percent of what I regged, to pay my expenses. I stayed three and a half months and, alone, gave workshops, hatted over forty FSM's and got seventeen Pre-OT's to Flag for NOTS and SOLO NOTS.
Then, again, I was ordered back to Flag and told, on this occasion, that the five percent agreement had been illegal. I was not, therefore, to be reimbursed my out-of-pocket expenses of over $3000 (accommodations, travel, phone, etc.). I wrote to the Finance Police, Int. Justice Chief and others, in pursuit of reimbursement, and was ordered back to Flag to handle the upset.
By May or June 1983, I had requested a WISE arbitration and Review Comm-Ev at Flag and gotten these matters cleaned up. I was routed onto OT 6 (Solo NOTS) and began giving Flag workshops for Div 6. I was also asked to start an FSM group in Clearwater, which I did and which resulted in many locals getting back on lines. I was asked to be the President of the Flag OT Central Comm.
I was on the last few drills of OT 6 when I was called out for a D of P by Spike Bush (He was on an RTC mission.). I was interrogated for many hours (about three days, altogether) on the meter and was attacked heavily concerning my TRUE intentions behind the survival club, Camelot (my real estate project at Lake Tahoe). All questions were given with force and indicated their belief that my 'true intention" was to do the Church in. I was in shock, disbelief and grief at these accusations.
Jeanne Lachardi was called in to aid Spike in the interrogation and I was told that their last question was the most important. It had to do with surgery I had had in Mexico City. They said I had been IMPLANTED BY THE CIA/KGB during the operation. When I protested, I was told there was a read. I was completely bewildered, dispersed and frustrated.
The questioning went on for hours. The CIA was brought up over and over again. They told me there were reads and continued to accuse me. I protested until they indicated that I would have to have a complete Sec Check on the area (at $698 per hour). I gave in. I actually began to believe I might have been implanted by the CIA. I purchased six hours and was Sec Checked by Ruth Humphries.
I gave her everything I could dream up. She never checked for protest. I became ill in session and actually passed out. When I came to, the Sec Check continued. I was left totally demoralized and bewildered.
Two days later, on a business trip to California, I became very ill. I lost 21 lbs. in 20 days. I thought I was dying. I wasn't digesting anything. My heart had become very irregular. When I went back to Flag for help, I was told that I was banned from Flag, per the Public MAA. I was given an eligibility program that would take approximately one and a half years to complete, before I would be permitted to get back on the bridge. The HGC completely ignored my request for help.
I began feeling very unusual. I wondered if I was really blanking out and doing things against Scientology. I was truly paranoid about the effects of the supposed implant. I isolated myself from everyone and became more and more ill. I wrote for help to the Sr. C/S, Int. Justice Chief, LRH, the C/O Flag - and nothing was acknowledged. I was given no indication of why I was banned.
Eventually, I told the story to Dr. Arlo Gordin in Clearwater, who felt he could help me. He referred me to Dr. Gene Denk (for antibiotics), but recovery was very slow. David Gellie (NOTS auditor) gave me a repair action - still no recovery. It wasn't until Greg Schilling got me on a meter for repair that I blew down four divisions on "A wrong item has been forced upon you". David Gellie then handled the BPC to F/N, with the result that I am now gaining weight and feeling better than I have since the beginning of my interrogation.
I never got a response to my reports of out-tech. But at this point, I have no further interest in pursuing correction, the WHY, or the WHO behind it all.
I learned, while in L.A., that a great many of my NOTS and SOLO NOTS friends had begun to question both the management activities and off-policy/out-tech actions of the Church. The field apparently had become quite volatile and increasingly vocal about their objections. But this was the ENEMY LINE, I thought, and I was very reluctant to look. So I applied the Doubt Formula and the standard, "When in doubt - communicate". With considerable ambivalence, then, I went out to contact the "squirrel" groups that were "altering" and "debasing" the tech.
To my amazement, I found that each of the three groups I visited in the Los Angeles area was delivering STANDARD TECH. And none was demanding hours and hours of high-rate Sec Checking or Confessionals (read PABS 128!!). Since I was still rather obviously in bad health, I was invited by two former Church- member friends to get a good clean up. The price would be only $100 per hour, and the auditor would be one of those who had delivered NOTS to me at Flag. I accepted.
I would like somehow to be able to convey to you the quality of my auditing experience on this occasion, through the notorious "Mayo Squirrel Group". It was, on the one hand, direct and to the point; on the other, delivered with the highest ARC I have ever encountered in Scientology. I couldn't believe it - the highest technical competence, in an atmosphere of love and acceptance. And among so many old friends who had already cognited on the need to separate themselves from the Church! I actually cried.
When you live under suppression for so long, it begins to feel normal. It isn't until you experience what it's like not to be under suppression that you can make a valid comparison. The real freedom I've felt in this new association is so exhilarating I've found myself waiting for the old "be careful" to come back in again. The old, "If it isn't fun, it isn't Scientology" had left a long time ago. But this is, indeed, a new era!
I have no doubt there will be problems and barriers along the way. But they will be known - and they will be overcome. And yes, we may make mistakes, as well. But you need not get declared for them now. You simply are helped not to make them again.
In retrospect, I realize that I was playing (by my own choice) a very contrasurvival game. I had allowed myself to believe that there was someone "up there" (in the Church) who knew more than I did - some unknown, unseen, but benign being who'd make all this apparent confusion and enturbulation come out right. Eventually, I thought, I would advance to the point of understanding how what seemed to be out-ethics and suppression was really part of a grand master plan, grounded on the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics.
When I got sufficiently exterior in my viewpoint to be able to see the game actually being played, I discovered my mistake and was reminded of the definition of a Tone 1 Society (from the Tech. Dict.) , "A society managed and dictated to by the whims of one man or a few men", and a Tone 2 Society, "A society hindered by arbitrary restrictions and oppressive laws". I cognited with great certainty that these are exactly the conditions that exist within the structure of the Church today.
In this regard, however, it is important that each of us search out and look at the data for himself, then to have the courage to know and say what he has observed. Certainly this has been the most unsettling time of my life. But I think what has pulled up my confront in the area more than my own personal experience has been hearing about and, in many cases, actually seeing what others have been going through in their struggle to have access to the Bridge.
I cannot imagine that current prices, current ethics handling, crashing missions and an ARC-broken field contribute in any way to clearing the planet. And how, in heaven's name, did all those (previously upstat) SP's find their way into the Church? It just doesn't make any sense. I have the power of choice to leave a game of "make wrong", of stop the psychs, stop the CIA, stop the IRS, stop the press. In fact, I have realized that one must leave such a game simply in order to remain sane. Insanity, after all, is (Tech. Dict. def. #9): "...the exact point at which he begins to stop something. At that moment he is insane. At first he is insane on that one subject; then he can get another idee fixe and become insane on another subject; thus getting cumulative insanity. But there is no doubt of his insanity on that one subject, something that he is trying to stop."
The Church cannot stop you from looking - at anything. But it does seem likely, as you move about to observe for yourself the time, place, form and event of the current game, that you may find your efforts discredited by those inclined to control with fear. Don't be put off by it. The price of freedom includes the determination to know the Truth and a willingness to communicate. Should you hear unsavory things (out-ethics/out-tech/off-policy) said of people with whom you have had no first-hand bad experience, I urge you to reach out for a full and complete understanding of the particular circumstance. Use your tech. As-is the current scene.
Then, let's go up the Bridge together.
You are not alone.